He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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