I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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