Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
