I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
