is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
