There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
