I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
