Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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