We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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