i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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