In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
