birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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