just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
