he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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