Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
