I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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