yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
