so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
