So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
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90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
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Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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