I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
