you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
