I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
