he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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