Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
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she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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