marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
