when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
