dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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