I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
