I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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