be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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