Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
