Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
