Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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