i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
