he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
