Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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