think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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