I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
