put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You've changed since you got that strap on
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
