fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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