Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
