I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
