I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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