Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
