you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
