they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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