I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
