I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
