Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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