I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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