Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm going to jail i love you
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
