I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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