My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
