Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
