All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
