Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
