youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Can Purell be used as lube?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love accidental penises.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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