You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
