I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
