i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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