I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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