I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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