They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
im six kinds of drunk right now
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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