All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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