see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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