my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
