This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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