I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize