I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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